I have decided after today that I want to be a monk...no wait I'm a girl, and wouldn't that make me a nun? No no, I don't want to be a nun, I like the sex to much. Perhaps a zen-girl-monk...yay, that sounds good.
So it's decided I am going to be either a zen-girl-monk or totally independently wealthy.
I think most forms of work are dumb. Most of the work I have ever done is dumb. It is also terribly numb...as in numbING. I worked my first 8 hour shift of (retail) work in the last 2 1/2 months, and I can't stand up. My brain has decided that since I have been ignoring it for 8 hours solid that it is NOT going to start helping me out now that I want it to come out and play. I had forgotten that thighs could hurt this much. I had forgotten that I make a very good mental prostitute. I had forgotten how many times in one day I can say "Have a nice day" and actually feel like I mean it(EWWW, gross).
I wonder sometimes, do I have it in me to just not be super nice? Can I be that counter girl that you walk away from convinced that there is something large and particularly uncomfortable stuck up her ass and that is why she wasn't particularly friendly to you (it's very very distracting to have large things up your ass....ohhh my, did I really just say that?) I wish sometimes that I could be that girl who obviously dosn't care, this is just some dumb/numb job that pays her shit.
And are we really here again? Is this just a lesson in how not to care, or to just FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BRIE, STOP TRYING SO DAMN HARD!! Nobody cares and you KNOW that you will not be rewarded for it (and the "your super" lines only worked on me when I was 15)
My only consolation prize from today...this is DEFINITELY not forever, because there is school to come in 2 months (thank all the gods and goddess' for that one). AND of course this opens up the possibilities that it really isn't forever...I could quit tomorrow if I wanted to (oh right I need this money from this shit-paying job), but maybe it will kick me in the ass to find that PERFECT summer job...pays me lots and I NEVER have to say "HI, can I help you?"....(I don't think that is too much to ask, do you?)
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2 comments:
Imagine yourself maybe as one of those kung fu/soccer monks that fly through the air and kick the shit out of everyone that gets in their face . . . in the most loving and peaceful way, of course. Imagine in slow motion the self involved customer approaching the sales counter. You leap straight upwards, full of grace, arms outstretched, one foot moving in a perfect arc up up up, connecting cleanly with her little customer's chin, her little piggy face snapping up and back. You describe a perfect circle in the air high above the cash register . . . and land, smiling enigmatically, asking . . . "May I help you?", knowing that your kick to her head is just the beginning of the only help she'll ever need.
Imagine yourself standing behind the counter, nodding encouragingly at the customer, and asking gently "How does that dress make you feel? Why is that? Does it remind you of anything from your childhood?". You discreetly take notes, pausing occasionally to offer a helpful "Mmm hmm", whilst thinking how passive aggressiveness manifests itself so clearly in the process of garment shopping. Your third year thesis (to be followed by a blockbuster novel on the same subject)will lay bare this shopper's psyche with the precision of a zen monk moving his hand through a stack of cedar boards.
Practice your French accent. Become aloof and abrupt. Treat your customers like the idiots they know themselves to be. When they see you later, reclining gracefully in the park with a lump of cheese, a loaf of French bread, and a bottle of burgundy for your lunch, they will grovel at your superiority and chic.
Retail too will pass, your intellect too sharp and your heart too large for such minor pursuits. Thank the goddess daily that you are not a nice girl.
WE CARE. We care deeply, and hope only to polish the mirrors that your brilliance will shine more clearly.
much love
p.s. . . . and why - again - did your entry of the 15th only show up today - the 18th?
p.p.s. some words misplaced themselves in the first posted version of this . . . so I removed it and tried again.
xof
10:48 AM
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